Well, it's been a minute...

Alright so I haven’t updated since 2019. Shocking. Let me catch you up.

I got married, in the middle of the pandemic. I planned no less than ten versions of that wedding thanks to the wildly changing rules around gathering and safety measures. It was… a lesson in flexibility and perseverence.

Then I had a kid. Still in the pandemic. Because why do anything the easy way? She’s as perfect as child can be, and keeps me on my toes. I’m learning new depths of patience and the ability to repeat myself without losing my mind. My skills at breaking down complex issues into digestible chunks is really coming in handy now that she is walking, talking, and questioning the world around her. I feel like I’m seeing everything again for the first time through her eyes, and it’s a lot of fun questioning why does that work that way, is the fire more pink or purple or orange, what happens when you add too much water to a cup, why can’t we walk on our hands on the sidewalk (spoiler: we can!)…

It’s also really nice to be back at work, where I can think one train of thought uninterrupted for more than five minutes. And speak to adults. And then when adults grow tiresome, to go back home to Ruby and my kid and my husband and just be present and alive with childish wonder.

I’m now working for the City of Hamilton. It’s awesome. And while I’m working on building a data management program from scratch with my team, I’m learning about public service and the business of municipal government. There’s a lot to learn, and I’m making time to do it. I’m thrilled and happy, and overall, mostly balanced these days. I hope you are, too.

I’ll update again soon. Ish. Take care!

Human Sexuality 101 @ Mohawk College

I took a standalone course through Mohawk College’s continuing education program. The course was not part of any initiative to a diploma or certification but it was interesting. I learned about Human Sexuality. We used this textbook and the professor took us through the various chapters with additional statistics, quizzes, and readings. It was a fascinating exploration of a personal view on sexuality.

I cannot say that I learned a lot of new information (though that young people in Canada are less informed now than 20 years ago about STI prevention and statistics is troubling if not surprising), but it did grant me a fantastic opportunity to explore my feelings and thoughts around some of the baggage we have in our public discourse around sexuality and crimes of a sexual nature.

My findings are thus: We need to talk more. With ourselves, with our partners, with the children in our lives, with our neighbours and colleagues about what consent looks like, about what we like and don’t like, about why “normal” doesn’t really exist and “abnormal” lives everywhere. We need to talk about kinks and fetishes, about what’s harmful and what’s celebratory, what’s predatory and what’s passionate. We need better representation in our media of healthy and diverse relationships.

We need to talk in facts - about anatomy, about biology, but also about social constructs like gender and “sexy.” What is normal for one culture is wildly inappropriate for another, and the same goes for people. How do these values of attraction, or these roles of interaction, or the script we use change over the generations? How do we change these scripts in different circumstances? Why? To what effect? Are they built from within or from external forces in our lives? Can we change them? How? Why?

Let’s talk about it.

Creating a Culture

We often talk about how we can adjust culture or environments to accommodate women, but what if we built a culture that included everyone from the outset? We talk about ways in which we can make space for people with disabilities or amplify visible minorities voices - but what if we stop thinking about accommodating, and making room, and saving space, and giving a platform, and allowing a voice? Because those sentences all stem from the idea that we have the power and we own the space and we get to decide who gets to be heard and seen and take part. It’s pretty arrogant actually. People with disabilities exist - they live and function in our society today. BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, Persons of Colour) exist and a take up space and have voices all their own. And women exist and work and get stuff done often in spite of the men around them. So rather than looking at how the dominant culture can or should allow other demographics space and time, what if we built a new culture where everyone already had that opportunity as a given understanding? What if?

"I’m not looking for #books that tell me how to fit into a culture designed for men―I’m interested in books that offer insights on how to succeed while being #authentic and true to myself."
https://www.catalyst.org/2019/09/25/turning-the-page-on-womens-leadership-5-must-read-books-for-women-leaders/